Journey To The Sun
by Ineffablenative
Summary: Set in New Moon. Edward gone. Bella declares she loves Jacob. A tragic accident will soon test how hard she is willing to work to prove that. Starting over is never easy, as she will soon learn. Rated M for language and sex. Please Review!
1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1: Homecoming

It had been months since Id made the long drive to Forks. The bitter wind whipped through my window, stinging my eyes and lashing strands of hair around my face and neck. I was determined to stay awake. I willed my eyes to keep open and ignored the daunting freeway signs that reminded me a restful night was only one exit away. It wouldn't make a difference, bed or no bed; there was no rational way that I would be able to sleep, not now. My mission was clear: Get to Jacob. Make him understand. The last week of the fall semester had stretched endlessly with my latest epiphany looming over me. I found it hard to sit still or hold a thought in my head. College life had not suited me. Mainly, it was the aching in my chest due to the large piece of my heart I left behind in La Push. For five agonizing months, I hadn't been able to take a deep breath without exhaling tears of regret. Always on the verge of crumbling, so fragile, cracked glass, awaiting the slightest amount of pressure, to give way into a thousand tiny shards. And it was ALL. My. Fault.

After graduation, the sensible side of me decided it would be best to move immediately to Seattle and get a summer job. Charlie had insisted that due to my receiving a scholarship at the last minute, the funds he had set aside for my college education would go to pay for my monthly expenses. I didn't have the heart to tell him that I would be lucky if that covered rent for 2 months. Charlie was painfully unaware of the cost-of-living anywhere other than Forks. I got hired at a quaint little used bookstore right off campus. The hours would be just enough to fulfill my financial obligations, all the while keeping me distracted from the one thing that I so desperately did not want to think about… my epiphany. My last night in Forks was spent in Jacobs's garage. And I wouldn't have had it any other way. Angela and Ben insisted that I go out for a last hoorah, I didn't need some futile display of a goodbye party. This was all I needed. Calm, warm, completely stress free Jacob.

_He was shirtless, sweaty, and oily from having just pushed himself out from underneath his Rabbit. His black shirt dangled from the back pocket of his jeans and loose pieces of his raven hair hung soft in his face. He was bent over the exposed engine; one hand gripping the top of the hood, the other lingering on different pieces of dirty metal. Every few seconds he would stand and mumble some frustration and wipe the back of his hand across his forehead. I watched in awe. How had I managed to cling to some silly delusion that Jacob Black was just a boy for so long? How many nights had I sat in this very spot and watched this shirtless, muscular, bronze God tinker with his car? It was, however, on this night that I felt my heart-rate quicken with each subtle movement he made, and how with those movements, the muscles in his long arms reacted. He twisted and shifted his weight from one foot to the other and my pulse raced watching his abs contract with the movement. As I silently gawked at his beauty, he stood for the umpteenth time to wipe the sweat from his brow. I stared at the newly discovered ripples on his abdomen, and I began to drag my eyes upward… only to find that Jacob was patiently waiting for my eyes to meet his. My breath caught. The burn in my cheeks scorched as I realized he knew exactly where my mind had been. His breathing became heavy and I found myself glancing to watch the rise and fall of his chest and back to his piercing stare. It was only a moment, and it was also an eternity. So much passed between us in that wordless exchange. He didn't move and inch and neither did I. The silence grew thick with the electricity passing between us. Suddenly, my eyes began to sting and I realized I hadn't blinked in probably 30 seconds. I fluttered my lashes to push back the involuntary tears, simultaneously breaking the spell that we had both been under. Jacob shook his head and cleared his throat. He smiled impishly and ran his had through his hair and stole another glance at me from under his impossible lashes. I smiled back and stood, " Did you wa..I mean uh…I was go-gonna to get a drink, you want one?" I bit my tongue at how foolish I must have sounded. Jacob reached for the shirt hanging from his back pocket and began to shuffle it up his arms , he ducked his head into the opening and slid the shirt all the way on. _

" _Ya, thanks Bells, that'd be great." He turned once again to his engine without a second glance in my direction. Once out of the confines of the garage, I let out a deep breath that I hadn't realized I'd been holding. I was mortified at myself! As I clumsily made my way through the wet bracken, my mind slowly began to wander back to Jacob…to the dip that formed in his abdomen right above the waist of his jeans…the line that divided his two heaving pectoral muscles down the center…the muscle that snaked around his forearms…his eyes.. his eyes. The smoldering in his lust-filled coffee colored eyes. And the love. pure unconditional love that poured out from deep inside them. As I reached Jacobs porch, I lifted my foot in anticipation of the first step and underestimated its distance, kicking it instead " shit.". My shoe squeaked down the front and I landed on my hands. It came with that sudden jolt, " Oh my God," I whispered to myself in the darkness. I...love…him...the words came slowly trudging one by one into my head. Each of them ringing with their own truth. And then…the gaping whole that had shredded my heart in two, closed itself, and all that remained was a tiny fissure of my now whole heart_.

Even in memory, the intense moment in Jake's garage 5 months ago caused my heart to speed, and my cheeks to flush even with no one around to witness. I never returned with the drinks that night. Instead, I got to my feet in the rain and ran to my truck and sped out of La Push out of Jacob Blacks life.

I watched the sunrise the next morning form the driver side of my truck as I barreled toward Seattle. Jake called non-stop. He emailed twice a day. Wrote once a week. Begging for answers. Like the coward I was that night, I never returned any of his attempts to contact me. There was always a test to study for, a paper to write, an extra shift to pick up. I had plenty of excuses to feed my guilty conscience. However, I only went through the motions of it all. Like a robot I did what was asked and required of me, never complaining. but never enjoying either. The night finals ended, the campus was alive with excitement as parties broke out all over the dorms. Having remained unsocial all semester, I wasn't on the top of anyone's invite list. And for the first time since that fateful night, I was left with nothing to do but think. I sat perched on the edge of my bed and squeezed my eyes tight to force my memories of Jacob out of the forefront. Jacob on the beach… Jacob laughing… Jacob eating… Jacob running, Jacob phasing, Jacob hurting. In a moment of inspiration, I discarded my dresser drawers into a duffle bag, grabbed my toiletries and ran for my truck. I was going to tell him. He needed to know. I needed him to know. I needed _him_. Maybe it was all the celebrating around me that made me wish I had someone to share it with, or the god awful loneliness of my empty dorm. Whatever it was, I decided there and then, that Jacob Black had suffered one too many times over my fickle behavior. It would be my personal mission in life, that the only emotion he ever felt as a direct result of my presence in his life, would be bliss… .

I shook my head to pull myself out of my reverie. Focus Bella. Nodding my head in a swift jerk, I pressed my lips into a thin line and led my truck carefully through the twists and bends of the road that led into Forks

--------- A/N: I intend for this to be a fairly lengthy story, so bear with slower pace. This is my first fanfic...please please review so I can get and idea how you all feel about it. The more reviews I receive, the more I will write. The story is in your hands! Thanks!


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2: Fork in the road

My truck idled loudly as I sat at the stop sign. The road ahead of me split into two. One would take me directly to Charlie's, where I would be safe from any rejections. The other led straight to La Push, where my fate would remain undecided. My eyes darted between the two options. I gripped my steering wheel, clenching..unclenching..clenching….the slippery roads taunting me, each glistening from the reflection of the street lights above. Each beckoning me their way…HONK HONK! I jumped as I glanced in my rearview mirror to headlights flashing urging me to go. I quickly hit the gas and swerved my truck to the left…toward La Push. The sky before me was transforming from its safe black night, to a light shade of amber. Dawn was approaching and I barely touched the gas buying myself time and excuses; its too early for house calls; Jake was probably patrolling all night; he needs his sleep…I continued to weave down through the heavy blanket of the surrounding trees before I emerged into the sun and the coast line shimmering in the distance. A large wooden sign staked in the ground read " La Push Indian Reservation" and I gulped loudly.

The sleepy little village was nestled into the side of the mountain and each roof was poofing out clouds of grey smoke from their chimneys. My heart caught when a hundred yards away, two tall bronze boys walked toward me, each with a surf board tucked firmly under their arm. I halted my truck and began to panic…I'm not ready for this..this cant be it…I closed my eyes and tried to breath… I opened them and squinted as I realized they were both wearing wet suits. Due to Jakes recent climb in body temperature, he wouldn't have any need for a wet suit. They came even closer, and passed brusquely by my truck nodding politely in my direction before heading down to the waters edge. I watched them in my rearview as my heart regained it normal rhythm. Geez, they all look so damn alike from a distance. I focused again on my target: The small red house at the end of the road. From here it looked so amiable, so harmless. I inched closer and closer, cursing my fucking ancient truck and its rumbling engine. They probably heard me coming from the stop sign in Forks. In a childish effort to save the remaining seconds that lay before me from discovery, I turned the key in the ignition and coasted up to Jake's house. With the truck in park I sat in silence and listened to the sound of my roaring heart. The ringing in my ears became defining and I tried to swallow the butterflies that flitted up from my stomach and into my throat. My forehead began to bead with sweat as I stared at the ominous front door. I took a deep breath, " He needs this Bella, he deserves this," I reached for the handle and lifted it. As soon as my shoe hit the earth and it crunched beneath me, I looked up to see Billy rolling down the ramp toward me. I stood frozen for a moment and stepped around my door shutting it behind me, bracing myself for the onslaught I was sure was coming. Billy curtly nodded once, and then slowly the corners of his mouth pulled up into a smile that read 'Welcome Home'. This was exactly the encouragement I needed. The tingling in my limbs ceased and I smiled back gratefully.

"Bella, it's good to see you here. We've all missed you so much. Jake will be thrilled you came. He's inside, 'sleep. Go on in, make yourself at home. Ill be back later." I nodded, not really able to find words. I didn't deserve such a gracious welcome. Billy began to push himself away from me.

I turned to watch him and cleared my throat.

" Thanks Billy…for everything" for not hating me, for keeping your son from going to pieces, for allowing me to make amends….I hoped he got my meaning. He must have because he stared at me, not accusingly, but fondly, and smiled. There was no turning back now. The front door creaked and shut stubbornly as I quietly entered the house. It still smelled same. The familiarity blanketed itself around me and warmed my insides.

I made my way through the house, each step bringing with it memories of a simpler time. Jake's door was closed and I laid my ear to it hearing is gentle snore. I smiled despite myself. _God I love that sound_. Jacob lay soundly asleep with his head at the opposite end of the bed. A large green pillow was tucked underneath his chin, and it seemed as though he fell asleep watching TV. . All worry and angst erased from his perfect face as soft rumbles erupted from his chest. For the first time I realized the burden he carried, of being forced to protect a world beyond our own, on his strong shoulders. A thin blue sheet draped across his backside, was all that was separating me from his naked form. The gentle hum from the t.v. filled the room. I debated internally whether or not to stay for him to wake; more specifically to stay in his _room_. It was hard to tear myself from the scene of beauty that lay...well..naked before me. But it was for the best. I slowly backed out of the room, never removing my eyes from him, and made my way to the couch. Waiting would be agony.

Numbly, I flipped through the channels on the small TV, never really paying enough attention to stop on one. The light of the now afternoon sun streamed in through the open window, along with sounds of the neighboring residents enjoying their Saturday. The movement from down the hall stirred me from my thoughts. My insides turned to mush as I listened intently to each creak of the floor boards from Jakes heavy walk. Closer and closer came the footsteps; harder and harder beat my heart… until Jake leisurely came into view.

------A/N: Well?? Yay or nay? Let me know! Please throw any ideas my way!


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3: Truth

He wore a loose pair of dark grey sweats that hung low, exposing the dips in both is lower back and front. Saliva pooled in my mouth as I noticed the rather large slope below the drawstring…. Before I had the chance to speak, Jake turned on is heel and headed for the kitchen, none the wiser that I was sitting on his couch.

He lifted his massive arms above his hand and grabbed his wrists to stretch, pulling his achingly beautiful muscles on his back in an array of different directions. I knew there was a reason I was here…I just couldn't remember what it was exactly…oh shit! Snapping my hanging jaw shut, I stammered to my feet, and saw Jake immediately tense mid-stretch. He sniffed the air and slowly lowered his arms down to his sides.

With his back to me Jake dragged in a long breath and spoke,

"What are you doing here Bella?"

His question rang heavy with annoyance. I blinked furiously, I hadn't even answered him and I was already fighting the urge to cry.

Clearing my throat I took two steps forward, to which I saw his dark knuckles tighten. I froze.

"Why are you here?" He spoke each word separately, each word dripping with anger, but there was also pain. This wasn't helping...

"I have something to say."

I meant for it to sound strong and matter-of-fact, instead I sounded like I was asking permission. The back of his head jerked once in response. Well, I deserved as much. If I was going to have to profess my undying love to his back, then so be it.

I assumed he was still breathing, but the only sound that passed between us was silence and my jack-hammering pulse.

"Jake," I planted my feet and puffed my chest ready for battle,

"Jacob Black, I do not deserve you. You have done nothing but mend every part of my broken soul. I've left you at times when you've needed me most, only to find you standing firmly beside me during mine,"

I saw his position relax, and he turned his head slightly to peer over his shoulder.

This must not have been what he was expecting from me,

"I come to you today as a whole. I am no longer broken and I don't need fixing. I just need… you now…and I need you to know, that I left that night because something happened, and I was...I was...well, terrified…and I know its no excuse but it's the truth and I-,"

Jake turned and stared down on me, interrupting my rambling. His eyes were shimmering with tears on the verge of spilling over and I felt the heat from his stare melt my heart.

"Terrified, why?" He asked.

With all the nerve I could gather, closed the remaining space between us stood directly before him. His eyes never left mine, and his internal struggle to not reach out to me caused him to flinch at my closeness. It stung to see him fight that urge. Worse, I knew that it was a direct result of things I had done to Jacob Black, for him to have to make that choice in the first place.

'_Never again, never again_' I repeated to myself.

"Because watching you in the garage that night… I realized that I love you..." he didn't flinch; he wasn't convinced

"I came here today to tell you that I am in Love with you. Whole-heartedly, unconditionally, forever yours, in love with you..."

His eyes slammed shut. A ripple formed in between his eyebrows as he pulled them together, and then a single tear slipped down his check and dripped onto his bare chest.

We stayed like this as the seconds passed. I watched as his eyebrows smoothed themselves out and returned my stare. Only now, the anger and resentment was completely washed away with his tears, and affection filled his deep eyes.

In the same instant, he lowered his head to mine and whispered in to my lips,

"God I love you," sliding his lips across mine, before taking my mouth in his.

His warm tongue explored the inside of mouth hungrily.

His right arm snaked around my waist molding to him, and his left hand pressed against my temple. I was putty in his arms. I'd lost all ability to move my limbs. The heat of his body radiated through me and I was warmed to my core. Could this be happening? Was it that easy? Of course it was. This was Jacob. Deep down I knew that my feelings for him would have a safe place to land, and rejection was never really a possibility.

He continued to take control, and I was overwhelmed by this side of his nature that I had never allowed him to show before. Feeling inspired, I slid my fingertips up the back of his arms, over his shoulder and wrapped them firmly behind his neck. He broke the kiss to let out a breathy moan and pulled the back of my shirt up to press his hot hands to the small of my back. This tiny movement lit a fire beneath me, and I jumped wrapping my legs around is waist and found his mouth. I was ravenous. I bit and sucked and licked his lips. He turned to pressed me hard against the wall, the pain didn't even register.

"Bella." he growled while my tongue was lapping at the dent in his shoulder.

He nuzzled his face in my hair and continued to growl. My legs were aching from the vice grip I had around him. The ache _between_ my legs was different. Almost on que, he ran his large fingers up and down my thighs. Stopping to cup my butt and then continued their exploration of my lower half. Soon I began to mirror his strokes up and down his chest pressing his forehead to mine. Gradually, our breathing began to slow and the heat of the moment started to cool. He was intoxicating, and I was dizzy. Jacob pulled back and smoothed my hair into place and smiled. I giggled breathlessly blushing at the new intimacy forming. Jake wrapped his long fingers around the back of my knees and walked over to the kitchen counter to set me down. I let my legs fall and hang. Standing in my middle he continued to knead my muscles and gaze into my eyes. Without my permission my fingers traced the outline of his perfect mouth, to which he opened every so slightly.

He pursed his lips and began to kiss my fingertips and then playfully bit my pinky.

"I, uh, hope you don't plan on going anywhere, 'cause after that I'm thinkin' about locking you up here," his voice was still husky as he made an attempt to lighten mood. I was mesmerized by him and my center still throbbed for relief, I arched my eyebrow,

"I'd even let you throw away the key," I winked.

He groaned and crushed his lips to mine with new intensity. Both of his strong hands grasped either side of my face. I curled my small fingers around his wrists and kissed him back just as hard. Suddenly, an uncomfortable cough came from behind Jake, and he stiffened immediately. I snuck a glance over his shoulder to see Quil and Embry leaning casually against the wall. A huge grin broke across Quil's face, "Hey guys, whats up," both he and Embry started to laugh hard.

"Can you assholes knock!?" Jacob was furious as he tried to position himself in front of me, blocking me from their view.

Gently I tapped his shoulder and he helped me off the counter without turning around. Embry was the first to respond,

"Relax man, we practically beat down your door Jake, we figured you were still sleeping so we let ourselves in,"

Embry's implicating glance darted from Jake to me, and then back to Jake,

"but, we can sleep was the last thing on your mind,"

Jake pointed sharply towards the front door and growled,

"GET OUT!"

The tension in the room began to thicken and I didn't want my first day back to end with a trip to the ER so I interjected lightly clearing my throat. I waved shyly at the boys. Jake softened instantly and turned to look at me. I spoke without leaving his eyes,

" Jake, I'm sure Quil and Embry had the best of intentions coming over here, and I'm sure they are just as shocked as you were…," I blushed remembering our steamy reunion, " to find me here."

Jake gave me an evil grin and kissed my forehead before facing his brothers.

"Alright guys, what's up?" Immediately the tension slackened and they both relaxed their positions

"Well, we _were_ just coming to tell you that Sam said since you worked double shift last night, to take tonight off," Quil smiled at me,"and he said to tell you he's not asking, he's _telling_….but, uh…something tells me you're not gonna fight him on it this time."

I could feel my entire face flush. Why had Jake been working double shifts? Sam expected Jake to fight him on it, why? Something I would have to bring up later.

Jake's teeth were grinding audibly as he spoke through them,

" Tell Sam I said 'Thanks' and I'll see him at the bonfire tomorrow night…I'll see you guys then too," Quil and Embry nodded, not wanting to test Jake's restraint. Both their eyes flickered to mine,

"Alright. And, it's good to see you Bella…um you comin' tomorrow?" Embry asked reluctance in his voice.

Before I could answer Jake began ushering them toward the door and assuring them I would be there. Once they were gone Jake walked back into the kitchen where I stood trying work out all that had transpired in the last 15 minutes.

"Lets walk." He grabbed my hand without needing an answer from me, and led us down to the beach.

**------A/N: Again, Please Review..As the chapters progess there will be more dialogue between the characters? Anything you guys would like to see happen??**


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4: Forever's a pretty long time

The weather had turned from the cheery sun of the earlier day was now muted by the onslaught of the coming thunder-heads. Jake dropped my hand to pull me close and ease my slight shivering. He looked down at me, a multitude of emotions flitted across his face in an instant. We waves were crashing loudly, and Jake redirected his stare there.

Without looking at me he asked,

"Did you mean it?"

My resolve wavered a little as his statement chipped away at the strong façade I had been showing. I followed his gaze towards the ocean, staring at nothing. His grip around my arm never loosened, and for that I was grateful.

"I've never meant anything so much in my entire life Jake." It was true. A weak smile tugged at his lips, although never reaching his eyes.

He nodded, "I can't do it again Bells…I can't be without you again,"

For the first time today he let go of me and shoved his hands deep into his jacket. He turned to face me and put the full force of his emotions behind his eyes trying to see through mine, deep down to my depths.

My breath became ragged as he spoke again.

"I gotta know Bells I- I, what I mean is, I need you know that forever is a pretty long time and I'm gonna hold you to your words in there…"

I thought for a moment about Jake's definition of _forever._ I smiled internally knowing that with Jacob, I would never have to truly suffer the consequences of committing to such a word. That ultimately, our days would be numbered, but that those days would be full of _life_. Warmth and security intertwined, weaving in and out of my heart. I also knew that out of our love would come _new_ life. Something that would have been void from my alternate delusion of forever.

But seeing him now, almost broken, a slight mirror image of my remnants after abandonment; my promise would cause him to suffer no more.

On the balls of my feet, I placed my hand to his cheek. He shuttered the tiniest bit at the cool contact.

"I, more than anyone else, have done quite a bit of research on the topic of _forever_ Jake…and what I've come to find is that, it's not so much about the _time_, but the _person_ in which you choose to spend that time."

A hint of sadness plagued his eyes, as he was seemingly afraid of what might come next.

"There is no future for me that does not include you, Jacob Black."

With that his eyes melted and I felt his smile tighten his cheeks under my hand. Jake wrapped his warm fingers through mine and held them in place. I smiled in response. At that moment, he seemed satisfied. But it was short lived, because he slowly lowered our hands between us before releasing my fingers. The sadness returned and shifted he body angling it away from me.

"What happens when he comes back? I'm sorry Bells, but I can't help but feel like this is all too easy for you…what I mean is, I'm all that's left. You don't have another choice this time…just your, your… fucking leftovers."

I grimaced and flinched and his harsh words. Never before had Jake shown me how deep his wounds really ran. The hurt that hung in the breeze was almost tangible. I stared at his back. We stood in the quiet, two figures wrecked by tortuous abandonment. Two jagged pieces of a whole, trying to force itself back into place. But I could see the damage I had done clear as day. It didn't matter that the ominous storm approaching had suffocated all the light with it dark clouds.

The pain radiated off Jake in waves creating a thin shell around his form. I was blocked out from him now. With every fiber of my being I ached to reach out and comfort this angel that I had damaged. I resisted though, knowing Jake needed time to work through what he thought were my empty promises, to see to the truth in them.

He sighed heavily and ran is hand over his cropped hair.

"Look, I'm sorry if I gave you the uh, wrong impression in there…" he nodded towards the house,  
" it's just, I've missed you more than you know Bells and when I heard what you had to stay, I _willed_ myself into believing that it was true…that you wanted me now. Ugh. I don't know, it just felt so good to believe it."

He walked off towards a log and slumped his body down to the sand with his back to the wood. It was true then. I was too late. That part of him that I so desperately wanted to be apart of, was closed off to me now. I pictured a flickering neon sign hanging in a dark window "CLOSED". My eyes started to sting with tears of pain. Not my own, but for him. After I knew all to well, the scorch a love lost could do, I unintentionally subjected Jacob to the same burn. Slowly, I turned to face him as he picked his head up to meet my sad eyes with his own. It still hurt Jake to see me upset, I could tell by smallest twitch his face made when he registered my expression.

"Bells…look I- I still love you…but… it like you said once…I'm just not sure if it's enough anymore."

He cast his eyes down to the sand that he was dragging through his fingers.

I nodded stiffly; afraid to lower my head, for fear that the puddle of tears filling rapidly now, would spill over.

"Ok Jake…" my voice broke hard, "I understand."

He peeked up at me sheepishly once more, just in time to see me turn and walk away from him.

I trudged through the sand as the tears came freely now. Walking away from him felt wrong. Like trying make yourself to write with the opposite hand…it felt forced and unwanted. But if there is one thing I have learned, it's to fight for what you want. Not to stand idly by as it blurs and disappears before you. I had grown into a stronger side of myself over the last few months. I braced my knuckles and clamped my jaw tight. I was going to fix this. Make it right. Jacob had fought long and hard for me. I intended to do the same.

**A/N: I figured Jacob needed to give Bella a little run for her money…not to worry I like happy endings ******** Please review! Your responses encourage me! Thanks**


	5. Chapter 5

A**/N : Sorry for the wait. I had to think long and hard about where I wanted to take this. I hope you like it. Ill have the next chapter up soon. Please review!!!**

Chapter 5: Nature

It was raining now; I lifted my jacket into a make-shift tent over my head, picking up my pace. By the time I reached my truck it was hailing, pelting the hood and fenders. Before jumping in the cab, I took one last glance towards the beach. I didn't see him. In truth, I couldn't see far beyond the bed of my truck, with the hail coming down in a thin white sheet.

Before I had left for college I felt the lines in our friendship blurring, but I never imagined I would be so desperate now to cross them. In fact, I wanted them gone. Any barrier that would prevent me from loving Jake fully and vice versa, I wanted eliminated. Yet somehow, I was so damn determined to ruin everything that I inadvertently landed front and center in the place I tried so desperately to avoid…in love with Jacob Black.

_It's just not enough anymore..._ _My_ words, spoken with finality from _his_ lips, played like a broken record in my head while I fumbled for my keys. The wet frigid air had rendered my fingers nearly useless, I had to use my palm to shove the key into the ignition. A swift turn of the key brought with it a _click_ _click_ _click _from the engine_._ I pumped hard on accelerator before trying it again. _Click_ _click click click._ I held it longer this time, willing it to start. The white sheet was all around me, I squinted my eyes to see through it, waiting for Jake's large form to emerge. Thunder cracked and I jumped. I was sad, cold, exhausted and in no mood for this. With the irritation ballooning inside me I had to resist the urge to kick out my windshield.

Charlie would be home, peeved that I had made La Push my initial destination, but ultimately was the only person I could count on right now. Not that he would feel the need to probe at the reasons for my hasty visit, or my current state for that matter- trapped in the small confines of his cruiser suffocated by my own thoughts was the last place I wanted to be. Then I thought of the _first_ place I wanted to be… I yanked my key from the ignition, shoved my door open slamming it behind me and headed for Jacobs telephone not bothering to cover myself from the assaulting hail.

Once inside the warm house, I stomped my feet on the door mat before heading to the phone. I dialed the station first; it rang several times before switching over to an automated system. Aggravated further, I slammed the phone down to the receiver with unnecessary force. The clock on the microwave read 10:36 p.m.- I blinked my eyes once, I would have never guessed it to be so late. My mood thawed a little, knowing Charlie would have nowhere else to be but home. I pictured him slumped into his indented place on the couch with the remote resting on his chest, enamored with whatever display of athletics was on tonight. He didn't answer there either. I cleared the line and punched re-dial. No answer. When his voice came on through is answering machine recording, I waited for the beep before I started shouting at him to wake up and answer the phone.

" Daaaddd…heellloo…wake up Charlie! I'm in town, stuck at Billy's actually, I'll explain later…but if you hear this come get me….hellloo? Ok, bye."

Dammit. I looked around the house; its welcoming comfort of earlier today was gone. At one time I believed that Jacobs's warmth caused my affection for it, or anyplace else I have come to know as _safe,_ now I knew all to well that our _love_ swelled inside these walls pressing against the structure and threatening to break through, just like my heart. The refrigerator hummed, I peeked at the counter where Jake had given me the wrong impression only hours ago. _Jake._ Where was he?

By the sound of it, the storm was unleashing its full force directly overhead now. He couldn't possibly just be sitting contently on a log in the midst of it all…_our_ _log_. It seemed that Jacob and I existed under the same gigantic rubber band, whenever I tried to move opposite him it wouldn't be long before I snapped back into place.

With no other options, I retreated to the couch for a nap, stopping along the way to peel out of my sopping jacket and shoes. I unfolded the fleece blanket that was lying over the easy chair, it smelled of pine and tobacco; I wrapped it loosely around me before plopping into the cushions. As soon as I buried my head into the couch I knew instantly that sleep was not far away. I purposefully put Jacob in the forefront of my thoughts, I fell asleep warm.

**JPOV**

Watching Bella Swan walk away from me, knowing it was my words that sent her away, was pure agony. It felt so against nature to not comfort her quiets sobs that she held until she was sure I couldn't hear or see, no doubt. There isn't a mean bone in her body, I know that she didn't intend for any of this to happen, _most_ of it was out of her control anyway- but she was forever fighting against the parts she could. She wasn't like the need of water or food, or even breathing, she was oxygen- without her nothing else mattered. The problem was though, that she needed me as a _part_ of her existence, I needed her _to_ exist.

I shoved my head into my hands, the only person who could understand this sort of pain and confusion was Sam. He was patrolling near here; I could smell him and Seth to the south. I left my clothes under a nearby picnic bench, running at full speed, I start to shake just before the edge of the woods. Although I know Sam heard me as soon as I phased, he waited until I caught up and was running beside him to speak.

_Jacob? I sent Quil and Embry to tell you to take the night off..._

_Ya they did, but that's not why I'm here though,um…Sam I need to talk about something._

_Is there a problem on the reservation?_

_No no, well, sort of...actually, Bella came to see me today. She just showed up in my living room-_

_I'm surprised you're not more excited, what I mean is, I can hear how much you've missed her, and I…_

He stopped. Images of her pinned to the wall, the coolness of her mouth, her telling me she loves me, walking to the beach…telling her she's not enough… all flashed like still shots through my head.

_Of course I'm happy she's here, it's just, you know, scary for me to think that she could change her mind in the morning and be gone, or that bloodsucker might show up one day and she'd go running into his arms, or what if I end up imprinting…I think what I'm trying to say, is when she took off the way she did it left me with five months of nothing but thinking Now I've got my own reasons for this not to work out._

I was grateful that the others were minding their own business, I knew that could hear me regardless, but atleast there was no sideline commentary.

_Jacob look, it's simple. You love her. She's what you want. And it's always easier to believe the bad stuff, because the good usually seems _too_ good to be true, and a lot of times it is…but sometimes it's not. She screwed up Jake, and if you end up taking her back, she'll probably screw up again, so will you. You're not perfect and neither is she, but the question is, whether or not your perfect for eachother. All that bullshit about persistence you shoved down her throat, I'd be willing to bet she plans on returning the favor._

I thought about all times Bella pushed me away, how irritated she would claim to be with my efforts to pursue her, but I never found what she was saying to be true in her eyes. That's why I stuck around for so long. And I was right. Then I remembered Quil and Embry, and Sam. Sam loved Leah with all his heart, I'd seen it for myself in his thoughts, but it was powerless against the cosmic force that is imprinting.

_And if I imprint? What then Sam? I promised to never hurt her no matter what, even if she hurts me, it was an unconditional promise that I won't be able to make good on…_

_Well, it's a very real possibility that you may have to deal with that one day. Maybe even tomorrow, you never know, but if you want my honest opinion and I think you do, I wouldn't worry about it too much. With the Cullens gone and not other activity to speak of, I can feel the urge to phase lessening now. It won't be much longer before stop all together. And only when phasing for the pack is at its peak, is imprinting the strongest. Basically Jake, if you haven't imprinted by now, I don't see it happening for you._

Everything inside me wanted to believe him. Sam's duty as the Alpha was to maintain whatever was best for the pack. He wouldn't lead me in the wrong direction; it goes against tribal covenant.

I needed to get to Bella. If this was all true, I needed to get to Bella. We were going to settle this tonight, right now, once and for all. I had waited long enough for Bella Swan to be mine, every bone in body was sore from aching for it over the years, and now I could have her. There was no sign of defeat in her eyes when she left me on the beach, sadness yes, but not defeat. Pain pricked my heart knowing I put the sadness in them. Then it hit me, she could be half way back to Seattle by now, or anywhere. I was wasting time.

_Thanks a lot Sam, I've gotta go. _

_You're welcome Jake. Good luck._

I left Sam and headed west through the heavy rain, sprinting through the muddy brush. Billy said Charlie was out of town until Sunday, knowing Bella she went straight there, probably happy to be alone. She could be so depressing sometimes. I could see her now, in her tattered sweats, curled up on the couch with the T.V. on, but not actually watching it. Now that I thought about it, I'd seen Bella in front of a T.V. plenty of times, I don't think I have ever seen her watch it though. She never had enough empty space in her head with all the turmoil she was constantly going through, there wasn't room to let anything else in, even me.

_Hey, uh, Jake…_

Seth was behind me now.

_I didn't mean to listen, but I don't think Bella's at Charlie's house. Last time I checked her truck was parked out front of your place._

I stopped and sniffed the air around me. I was close enough to Charlie's by now that I would have picked up her scent. Seth was right, I couldn't even smell the truck on the road out of La Push. Immediately I sprinted in the opposite direction. I thanked Seth for the heads up, heading back home, the thudding of my paws, hail falling against the trees, and my heart were the only sound that surrounded me now.

**BPOV**

"Bella..Bella...!"

It was getting louder, definitely closer to the house. I was groggy, but outside someone was yelling my name.

"Bells!"

_Jake_? I rolled over and perched myself up on the edge of the couch. I heard his heavy footsteps coming up the wooden ramp, the front door swung open slamming against the wall, Jake came storming in soaking wet-yanking his head from side to side, frantic.

"Ja-," Before I could stutter out the rest, Jake snapped his head in my direction, my favorite smile stretching from ear to ear.

"I thought…you…left…but Seth said…your truck was here and…" he said between heaving breaths.

"Ya, um, my truck wont start so I stayed-," With that the smile disapeared, his jaw set, determination filling his dark eyes, and he crossed the small space with long strides.

"Thank God." He moaned, dropping to his knees, clutching my face in his hands, and seizing my mouth.

I didn't hesitate in returning his urgent kiss. My hands wound through the hair on the back of his neck. Whatever he had been searching for he found, gone were the days of protesting his actions, my hands roamed freely over his blistering surface.

Our tongues met, gliding smoothing through eachothers lips. He parted my knees and placed himself between them, yanking me forward. I whimpered when my center slammed into his stomach, dropping my hands I shoved them confidently underneath his sweats and gripped his butt hard.

"Dammit Bella," he growled into my mouth.

His hands left my face, sliding down my chest over my breasts, until he reached the bottom of my wet shirt. Suddenly, I wanted the intruding fabric out of the way, lifting my arms above me, Jake slid the shirt over my heard, it dropped with a thud to the floor. Instantly my torso was wrapped in his blazing arms, pulling me closer to him still, and I couldn't help but feel it wasn't close enough.

"Jake…" I whispered into his mouth.

"Hmmm..." He responded, moving his lips up and down my neck.

"I need you inside me."

He froze. I leaned back trying to gauge he reaction. Jake brought is eyes to mine, they were full of lust as he searched for truth in mine. I held his stare for a second longer before putting my lips to his ear.

"Take me to your bed Jacob."

He groaned from deep within his chest, locking my legs around him, he stood and took my mouth in his. We stayed like this as he carried me towards his bedroom.

**Well?? Good? Let me know!**


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

A cool draft escaped Jacob's room as he shoved the door open; I shuddered as it tickled my bare back. Both his warm hands securely cupping my butt, I giggled into his neck as he grunted in frustration, kicking his way through the scattered piles of clothes on the floor. His need for me was evident; he clawed hastily at my bra trying to free me from it. With a sharp snap it recoiled and hung limply from my shoulders. Jacob stopped and I leaned back as he painstakingly withdrew the remaining lace from my body, revealing my half naked form to him. Our chests heaved in sync while he took full advantage of the moment to greedily admire my breasts. It was strange for me, to not have the urge to blush from embarrassment; rather I patiently allowed Jacob the time to appreciate the view.

A quiet part of me whispered reassurances, that no other person would see me this way, and smug grin found its way to my lips. Jacob questioned me with his eyes, but returned my smile seeming to read something entirely different in it. Nimbly I untangled my legs from behind him, he slid his hands up my back as I slid down of his hold. I found my feet, keeping my smile in full tact; I flipped the button open on my jeans and maneuvered out of their wet confines, sliding my panties along with them. Jacob rocked back on his heels. Shaking his head he sucked in a long breath while assessing me with his eyes.

"Jesus Bells…you're perfect."

And then he smiled my smile. God I loved this man. If there was anything that could solidify the perfection in the moment, that was it. I wasn't seeking further proof or evidence that this was where I belonged, there was no sign from the Gods I was waiting for, but _if_ I had been searching, if I had been waiting…his smile, _my_ smile would end my quest.

As though his feet were cemented in place, he reached out his strong arm to rest a searing hand on my butt, softly pulling me into him. I pressed my ear to his firm chest trying to match our heart beats, my arms at my sides, Jacob memorizing every inch of my skin with his fingertips. It was easily the most sensual thing I have ever experienced, standing naked in the dark molded to Jacob, knowing words would only taint it; in fact any sound other than necessary intake of air was permitted. _Heaven_.

Jacob was still in his pants, and while he was busy musing over uncharted territory, I began to shimmy them around his ankles, holding them down while he stepped out the legs. Instantly he scooped me up and I enveloped his waist between my thighs. Both his hands burned into my back as he laid me beneath him on the bed. His hardness pressed firmly into my thigh. His hands came from under me to stroke circles on my knees while he aligned himself with my entrance. I could feel his massive tip pushing against my tight opening. I moaned loudly in anticipation.

"Oh Jacob…I love you, I love you so much." I cried out.

"I know you do Bells…" sliding himself fully inside me in one smooth thrust, "…I love you too."

I slammed my eyes shut jerking my head back feeling nothing but ecstasy, I thanked God for the urgent craving we had for eachother that made our bodies one. Of course I wouldn't have protested Jakes exploration of my body with his mouth, and I'm sure he wouldn't have minded either, but this is was what we needed. No foreplay, no teasing, five months apart was torture in itself.

His pace was slow and steadied, taking himself completely out of me and gliding all the way back in. He sat back on his heels and bunched my knees up to his chest, guiding my hips with his strong hands. I twisted the sheets tightly between my fingers channeling the excess to keep from screaming. But then his rhythm changed and slammed himself suddenly into me forcing out my yelps each time our bodies clapped.

Jacobs face was tightened in concentration; his lips mashed firmly together, breathing in roughly through his nose. The muscles in his arms contracted as he continued to pull my hips into him.

Jacob was insanely gorgeous, and I was finding it hard to hold on the edge that I was coming dangerously close to. If he continued on at this pace, I wouldn't last much longer. Swiftly I was off my back, legs wrapped around him, forcing him back with my body. He growled with the friction my sudden movement caused steadying himself with slow deep breaths. I smiled down on him enjoying his writhing beneath me. Supporting my hands on his chest, I started to slowly lift myself off him and back down again. The position was easier for my control, but only heightened the pleasure. Jacob locked eyes with me, and I'm sure the lust I found in them mirrored my own.

Outside the storm rumbled and thrashed against Jacobs tiny house. Branches scraped against his window and the wind howled wildly. The storm inside his room was gaining its own form of intensity. Heat began to flow through me and my stomach tingled. I rocked harder against him giving my body what it wanted and Jacob growled huskily.

"Damn Bella…I'm close…too close…you have to slow down…shit…"

"No…Jake…I want you to…" I rocked even harder.

Jake let out an exasperated breath and grasped hard at my sides forcing me down on him. I lost all my control in that moment my body shook furiously while his contracted. The heat slowly cooled until it was completely gone; exhausted I slumped forward pressing my face into the bed. Jake turned his head to kiss my temple.

"That was incredible Bells…fuck." He chuckled humorlessly.

I gave him a sideways smile peeking at him while barely turning my head. I was still trying to recover from falling over the edge. The air was thick with sex, both our bodies moist from the sheer humidity of it. I lifted myself off of him making us two again, and rolled onto my back beside him flailing one arm across his stomach the other over the bed. It wasn't at all the way I had envisioned my first time being. No candles, or soft music, no constant affirmations of love, it was primal yet decent. Jacob was considerate yet greedy, gentle and still forceful. The movement of our bodies spoke our affirmations for us, it was simple…it was perfect.

"What are you thinking about?" He asked, propping himself up on his elbow to face me.

"I was just thinking how that was nothing like I'd imagined it would be."

"Huh…really?"

He made an effort to sound impassive, but the corners of his eyes tightened and I knew my words stung.

I smiled hugely and rolled on top of him.

"Ya, _really_, it was so much better Jacob…but that's what you do to me, you take all my preconceived notions about _anything_ and throw them out the window. And you never fail to surpass all my greatest expectations…" I swept my lips over his once, "you are perfect Jacob Black."

My mouth collided against his without warning, trying to convey all my emotions in one kiss. I could feel Jacobs initial shock, but he recovered quickly and soon was kissing my back just as eagerly. He broke the kiss, but my mouth stubbornly refused to leave so I started maneuvering my way across his check towards his neck.

"Bells, I need to take a look at your truck, and you need to take a shower."

I groaned as his mention of my ancient truck brought me down from my high. Yet I couldn't be all together to upset of its current condition, seeing as making love to Jacob was a direct result. Its funny how fate steps in at the most inopportune times, and creates a wonderful convenience. We both heaved ourselves from the bed gathering our clothes from around the room.

"Wait, why do I need to take a shower?" I asked confused.

"Because some of the pack may stop by after their late patrols and once they get a whiff of you, mind reading or not, it won't be difficult to tell what we were up to." He winked and patted my butt before walking out the door. I made my way to the bathroom stopping along the way to grab a towel and one of Jake's shirts. I buried my face into the white cotton and inhaled the woodsy scent deeply. I was going to smell like him one way or another. Smiling at the thought, I trotted happily into the bathroom shutting the door behind me.

**A/N: I hope you enjoyed. I am putting a lot of time and effort into this story, and I must say I'm a little saddened by the number of reviews I have. Writing will always be fun for me, but I only do it under a time constraint when I have eager readers waiting. Please, if you at all enjoy my story, or don't even, review and tell me about it. I guarantee you chapters will start to popp up out of nowhere! And thank you so much for all those who continue to support me with their feedback! More to come…**


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N: This is a filler chapter, but necessary to convey the state of everyones emotions…sort of the clam before the storm. If you have noticed I changed the summary for this story. I have decided to take it in a new direction; I think you will really be pleased. Not to worry, will always be a Jacob/Bella story. Please review anyway, although it is just a filler chapter it took me awhile to write. Thank you all.**

Chapter 7

I emerged from the shower feeling a new sense of peace. For the first time in a long time, there was no war raging inside, no internal battle to be fought. The weight of impending doom and undecided fate was washed away with the searing water, leaving me buoyant. Contentment swelled from within as I bounded out of the bathroom and into Jacobs room. A surge of heat rushed through me as I took in the disheveled state of his bed; the chaotic mess of his sheets exposing its previous activity. I slipped into the pair of dark sweats that Jake had worn earlier. They were still slightly warm as I held them close, and decided to not put my underwear on beneath them. Ever since his passing comment about my scent, I was intrigued and more so compelled to drown myself in the smell of him, I wanted everything that was Jacob Black to envelope me entirely.

Staring at nothing of importance, my fingers combed hypnotically through my damp hair, completely lost in my own reverie. For as long as I can remember I had fought desperately against this outcome. Grasping at straws, straining for excuses to give this man that would deem me _damaged_ _goods_, a product of desolation and self-pitty. Jake fought back furiously, yet I never even entered the ring, throwing in the towel and avoiding the commitment of the fight. This painful regret would be the heavy burden that would forever weigh down my new found buoyancy. I didn't see a way out of it, and still, I welcomed it. Regret, I knew, would keep me humble and constantly striving towards the unattainable goal of Jacob's full trust.

"Bells…"

I whipped around, holding Jakes shirt to my bare chest. Jacob stood casually with his arms over head grasping the door frame. His demeanor was as confident and cool as I had ever seen him.

"Hi." I breathed, trying to exude the same confidence.

"It uh, works better if you put that on…" He motioned with his chin to the shirt as he fought back a cocky grin.

"Yeah, I was just brushing my hair out first…what's the news with my truck?" I hardened my tone,

attempting to show genuine concern. He was making it painfully difficult as he stood before me, grease stained and unkempt. He shrugged.

"You need a new battery. I can pick one up for you in the morning…" he seemed to be distracted as he paused to look me over, "I uh brought your stuff in, figured you'd need something to wear to bed."

He smirked and glanced again at my attire before reaching down to retrieve my duffle bag.

"Thanks," gnawing nervously on my lip, I stepped forward to my bag taking it in my free hand, "I forgot I had all my stuff with me."

My mind raced to find an excuse to not have to leave the comfort of his clothes. I dropped my eyes from his and walked to the bed, placing my bag beside it. Before I could turn, or another word could pass between us, I felt his hands on my back. Tracing a line between my shoulder blades, I sucked in rough breath, as he brought his other hand to my front, spreading his finger wide across my belly and firmly pressing me into him. I titled my head back against his chest reveling in the warm sensations that his hand sent seeping into my abdomen. I felt his rough knuckles scrape my neck as he brushed my hair back to one side and put his lips to the hollow behind my ear. I moaned contently in response. His fingers momentarily left my stomach and grasped a fistful of his t-shirt, sliding it free of my hold, exposing me fully. With the shirt in hand, he gently turned me to face him. His is emboldened gaze bore heavy into mine.

I watched as his eyes ravaged me once more while he guided my arms above me. Never touching, only admiring, he shimmied the shirt down my arms and pulled it over me. I was surprised to find that it fit more snug than I would have imagined, probably something he had from before his transformation.

He nodded slightly, seeming pleased with his work. I lowered my arms.

"There." He said.

As he smiled down approvingly, I knew in that instant that he must have sensed my unease and was showing me he craved my own scent on him, just as much I did. If were possible, my heart swelled further. For his consideration, for his decency, I loved this man more than any one person has loved another.

"Thanks, that feels good," I said while smoothing the shirt out.

"Ya, it does." Jake beamed. I blushed at the double meaning in his words.

My fingers braided together, he solid confidence was leaving me up short for words. I was even stuttering internally as he refused to release my eyes from his seductive stare.

Thankfully, he chuckled deeply, leaned into kiss my forehead, and sauntered out of the room. I laughed humorlessly at myself, staring at the empty doorway. From the front of the house I could hear the hum of many voices. The door was opened and closed several times, I glanced at the clock-it was passed midnight, the pack was here.

Once in the living room I was greeted by everyone and received very warmly. Sam shook my hand and welcomed me back, I noticed both scrutiny and acceptance that formed in his eyes simultaneously. The rest of the guys pulled me light heartedly into bone crushing hugs, there was an undercurrent of relief that filled our small reunion. Each of the boy's faces was splattered with gracious smiles, and I couldn't help but feel a twinge of guilt for the reason why. It was evident to me now that I left Jacob a broken man, they all lived his sorrow, his mental anguish had become their own.

As the early morning hours approached we all took turns sharing stories and the pack tried to catch me up on everything I missed. Seth was exceedingly interested in college life and was captivated as he sat at my feet-chin in hand; soaking up anything I had to tell him. In my absence all of their relationships had flourished. Sam and Emily were currently working on starting their family, while Quil still spent all of his free time dotting on Claire, their bond as a pack appeared at its strongest. It didn't slip my attention, Sam's parental-type glow, they all unknowingly orbited around one another.

Jake joined us after his shower; he laid comfortably between my legs resting his head on my stomach, as I pulled my fingers through his hair. Every now and then a quiet purr would vibrate his chest as my nails grazed his neck, finally dozing off completely. Soon his melodic snoring rose above the conversations, and they all began to wrap up their stories. Sam stood first, the others following suit.

"Well, we'll head out then. You guys get some rest…we have plenty of time to catch up," his statement was thick with implication, "see you tomorrow, erh, tonight at the bonfire."

I waved as they all filed out the door. Jake stirred against me so I took the opportunity to wake him and get him in bed.

"Jake, c'mon lets go to bed baby," I crooned softly.

He grunted, stretched and crawled to his feet bringing me with him. I buried my head in his shoulder and wrapped my arm around his waist; he was dead on his feet. Jake made noises and mumbled, I giggled beside him as when flopped down on his bed. He opened his arm and I snuggled up next to him, instantly feeling the weight of sleep approaching.

As I slipped into sleep, I heard him give a groggy laugh.

"What?" I asked him, my eyes still closed.

"You called me baby…" I looked up to seem him grinning widely.

Our day ended just as the sun was rising.


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N: These next two chapters are pretty long. I couldn't find an appropriate place to stop. I hope you like them, I'll be anxiously awaiting your reviews!**

Chapter 8: Bitter Sweet

**JPOV**

I had spent the better half of the early afternoon just trying to convince her that she wouldn't freeze to death. She wasn't even scared of the jumping part, she just wanted to know how cold the water was going to be once she landed in it. The best part of cliff diving in the winter was that for some reason, the water right at the base, was warmer than the rest of the ocean. I had to persuade her, or my plan would be ruined. I had this whole thing already mapped out in my mind.

"Bells, would I lie to you?" I sang innocently.

She folded her arms across her chest and cocked her head to the side. God she was beautiful.

"Yes." She sang back in the same tone.

At that I had to laugh. I knew she was feigning the irritation, but her little fit was so damn adorable I wanted to eat her up. She began fighting back a smile at my reaction, and I knew I had her.

I slithered over to her with a mischievous grin, and she lifted her eyebrow at my approach. I snaked my hands around her waist and dipped them down into her back pockets.

"Please baby…for me." I whispered in her ear.

I could feel the goose bumps raise along her neck and I began sliding my tongue over them. She shivered against me.

"That's not fighting fair Jacob." She moaned, trying to sound annoyed as her body leaned into mine.

I smiled victoriously into her neck.

"Thank you Isabella." I said into her collarbone.

She wrapped her arms around my waist and pulled back to look at me.

"I haven't said yes yet." She shook her head.

I licked my lips watching her bite down on hers. My hands came out from her pockets to cup her thighs. I hoisted her up to me and she automatically crossed her legs around my sides. She returned my mischievous smile and folded her hand behind my neck.

"But you will." I breathed before taking her mouth in mine.

Her lips parted immediately giving me full reign of her mouth. I kissed her slow and deep, reveling in the taste of her. Her fingers stroked the muscle on my neck causing shivers of my own. I moaned into her mouth and her legs tightened around me.

"Ok Jake, I think you can take that as yes and spare us all the show." Embry barked out.

I had completely forgotten we were standing in the middle of my living room, and the pack surrounded us. Bella smiled against my lips and pecked me once before hopping down. They were all smiling hugely at us from their places around the room. I draped an arm over Bella's shoulder knowing how mortified she must be. But when I look down, she was confidently smiling back at them. Only the smallest amount of flush touched her cheeks and anyone could have assumed it was from our little make-out session, and not embarrassment. It really was a sight to see, and her confidence only solidified my decision.

The hike up to the highest cliff was long and leisurely. A small cloud of dust formed around our little group and traveled with us to the top. Bella and I walked hand in hand silently the whole way. She found a pine cone and kicked it over to me, I kicked it back, and we volleyed it all the way up the mountain. She never once asked for a break, or looked winded. Every once in awhile I'd catch her looking up at me, and when I would meet her stare she would smile widely and sometimes wink. I was infatuated with this new Bella. It was turning me on in so many different ways. All I could think about was jumping off this damn cliff so I could get her back to the house and make love to her all day.

We were the last two to reach the top. The other waited anxiously for us to meet them. All of them were fully aware of what I had planned on doing, and they were making it painfully obvious as they tried to look uninterested in our approach. I rolled my eyes at Seth who looked like he was going to burst with excitement. Bella didn't seem to notice anything strange about their gathering.

"Bella next time you ride on Jacobs back or something, I didn't think I was going to have to pack a lunch!" Quil teased.

"Geez Quil, what's the rush?" Bella asked.

"Ya Quil…what's the hurry?" I growled through clenched teeth.

If he screwed this up, if any of them screwed this up, I would never forgive them. It was bad enough I was trying to hyperventilate quietly so Bella didn't notice. Thankfully, Sam whacked him the back of he head.

"Shut it, Quil." Sam reprimanded him.

Quil stumbled forward rubbing his head.

"Sorry." He said under his breath.

Bella chuckled beside me, finding nothing unusual about their interaction. When we finally reached them I released Bella's had and walked over to Sam, needed a minute to myself. He gave me a knowing smile and nudged me with is shoulder. Embry gave a low thumbs up, I waved for him to put it away.

"So Bella…you ready for this?" Seth asked implying something totally different. A wicked smile curved his lips upward. God these idiots are gonna blow it. I held my breath, hoping she didn't read too much into his question, and shot Seth daggers with my eyes.

"As ready as I'll every be I guess." She shrugged.

Luckily, Emily sensed my distress and put an arm over Bella's shoulder and led her over the side of the cliff. I took the stolen moment and turned sharply to the pack.

"Cut that shit out guys!" I whispered harshly. "Now come stand over here, I want her to be facing the ocean."

They all did as ordered, filing to my left. Emily brought Bella back over and we all stood in an awkward silence. I watched as Emily left Bella's side to go stand with Sam and the others. Bella's carfree smile faded as she watched Emily walk away from her and turned questioning me with her eyes. It was the only chance I would have, and I swiftly dropped to my knee. Her eyes followed mine all the way down as she scrunched her eyebrows in confusion.

"Jake, what's the point of taking your shoes off all the way up here?"

Coughing and muffled laughter came from behind me, and she shot her confused stare in there direction. After searching their faces for a moment, looked back down at me, I took her hand in my own and asked for her full attention with my eyes. I smiled as her eyes darted down to her hand and then to my face, and her chest began to rise as her breathing was uneven now.

"Oh God." She whispered.

I swallowed hard.

"Bells, you are my life, a part of me that I need in order to survive. I love you with all that is in me. I promise to provide for you and protect you, keep you safe and keep you warm, until the day I die…" tears were choking my words and I had to suck in a deep breath to calm myself. Bella rubbed little soothing circles in my hand and smiled, "Will you marry me?"

Tears were falling one after the other from her face as she nodded.

"Yes."

Sam tapped my shoulder and handed me the ring. I saw her eyes go wide as I slid it on her finger and kissed her hand. Before I could to my feet she dropped to her knees, took my face between her small hands, kissing me furiously and giggling at the same time. My hand mirrored her own as I clutched her to me. The pack was clapping and whooping loudly around us.

"I love you." She whispered.

I pulled back to wipe the tears from under her eyes, and she did the same to me.

"I love you too Bella."

This was the happiest moment of my life.

**BPOV**

I wove my fingers tightly though his, and with a gentle tug we took a few steps backing unison. We hunched forward, Jake tilted his head to wink and give me a reassuring smile.

"I love you Bells." He breathed.

"I love you too, Jake."

"Okay, on the count of three," I nodded so he would know I was ready, "one…two…, " he gave one last elated smile before screaming three, and catapulting us of the cliff.

My legs flailed wildly beneath me, the only sound I could hear above the sharp whistling of the wind, was Jakes booming laughter. The sheer force of the fall made it impossible for me to turn my head, but I could hear his smile. I braced myself for the dark water approaching, locking my legs straight as Jake had instructed. When suddenly, I could feel his warm fingers again wrapped through mine, the ominous water inching closer didn't seem as threatening with him by my side. A smile found its way to my lips the second before we crashed into the ocean, this is how we would face things for the rest of our lives, just like this, hand in hand, together.

In the next moment we were completely submerged, shooting downward through the layers of blue. Clusters of silver bubbles surrounded me and I followed their ascent to the surface. Kicking and pulling at the water above me, I finally emerged. Immediately I could hear the shouting and hollering of the others from shore.

"Oh my God! That was incredible!" I screamed swimming in circles to find Jake.

I whipped my head around trying to see above the tiny waves that were breaking against my face.

A few more seconds passed and I became very still straining to hear his splashes. I looked over towards shore, weeding through the shiny black heads of hair bouncing along the beach. No Jake. Everyone had their arms wrapped around themselves and were scurrying back towards the house, everyone except Sam. He watched in our direction intently. I spun to follow his gaze, thinking he may be able to see Jake from where he stood, but found nothing. I dipped below the water and used my hands to propel me in circles trying to see through the solid blue. When I came up for air I looked back at Sam who was now surrounded by the rest of the pack. My heart slowly but surely began to pick up its rhythm.

"Jake!" I yelled as loud as my frozen lungs would allow me. "Jake where are you!!"

I brought my aching arms above the water and began to swim to the guys. That's when I saw his back. The salty water lapped higher around me. I started swimming blindly in his direction.

"Jake! I'm coming!." Screaming as choked out the water I was inhaling.

When the water lowered again I could see him fully. His massive body was clinging to a small rock that peeked above the waves. I swam closer he never left my sights, and noticed he didn't seem to be moving. Finally I was near enough to see the blood. Red stained the brown rock he was strewn across, and the waves that were crashing against him were tinted pink.

"Sam!!!" Panic evident in my scream.

In a flash the pack was running through the shallow water, fighting against the current, then simultaneously they dove under. I continued swimming to Jake, making little progress against the strength of the tide. It was clear now that he wasn't clinging to the rock, his body lay completely lifeless. As if the mouth of the ocean spit him out forcefully and that was where his heavy body landed. Then I could see Sam hoist himself up to Jake. He grabbed Jakes face in his hands and I could faintly hear him yelling. Quil popped up beside him helping Sam survey the damage, both looking frantic. In a swift movement they had Jake turned onto his side, Sam slipped his arms under him and began swimming back to shore with Jake in tow. Quil dove from the rock and passed Sam up easily, trying to make it there before he did.

"Jake." I whimpered as I watched his broken body be hauled away.

The arctic water was causing my sides to cramp, and I was exhausted.

Above the roaring I could hear someone shouting my name. Seth's face emerged shortly after.

"C'mon Bella, climb on." He turned with is back facing me.

I gratefully latched my arms around his neck and hooked my knees to his sides. Instantly his warmth loosened my rigid muscles.

"Is he okay Seth?" I cried into his back.

"I don't know Bella, he didn't respond to Sam." He answered grimly.

I knew we were reaching the shore, but I was barely able to feel him move under me. He was so lithe and agile in the water that it gave the impression of drifting. I lost Sam and Jake from my view.

"Where are they Seth?" I asked panicked again.

"There." I saw the back of his head jerk forward.

Jake was on his back in the sand, with Sam pumping on his chest. Every few pumps Sam would bring his ear to Jakes chest before leaning back to continue the assault on his chest. Suddenly, Jakes body jerked erratically. Quil came to his knees and supported Jakes head in his lap. Sam was quickly on his feet sprinting towards the line of trees behind them. I watched Quil caress Jakes forehead, before a large black wolf appeared beyond the trees. The wolf trotted up to Quil as he cradled Jake in his arm and lifted him onto Sam's back. With Jacob draped successfully across Sam's wolf form, he dashed away in the opposite direction, sand flying off his heels.

------------

"He's a lucky boy, it could have been a hell of a lot worse. The head wound is fairly superficial, he wont need any stitches. I went ahead and reset his shoulder though, may as well do what I can before he wakes up." The doctor's hushed voice was muted by wooden door I was straining to hear through.

He had spent the previous two hours getting Jake comfortable and doing what he could for his injuries. We all unanimously decided it would be best to keep Jake at home, given the unfamiliarity the doctors in town have with working on werewolves. Billy was on the phone with the reservation doctor as soon as he spotted Sam in wolf form carrying his unresponsive son. The sight of blood seeping from Jacob's head didn't sit well with any of us. According to Dr. Chappa, although there was a significant amount of blood lost, it wasn't enough to cause serious concern. As long as it coagulated the wound would eventually heal itself. I was present during the examination, no threat, man or beast would have separated me from him. I held a constant vigil by his side, politely looking away when others came in to speak quiet words of assurance, but I never left. We were one now, and had it been me lying unconscious in this bed, Jacob would have gone without food and water until he heard my voice. And for all the pain that tore through me, it may as well have been me, I would have gladly taken his place.

I found solace in the strong beating of his heart, and for most of they day my head rested on his chest. My hand stayed permanently tucked inside his, I curled his fingers around my own. Every so often he would begin to stir, and beads of sweat would appear on his forehead, I knew the medicine was beginning to wear off again. I would call for Dr. Chappa, who had graciously stayed to administer the ever fading medicine. Once Jake seemed comfortable again, I'd place cool rags to his head and neck. I'm sure he couldn't feel it, but I liked to think that it helped. After a few hours Billy peeked his head in and insisted that I come eat. I politely informed him that when Jake eats, I would eat. Knowing he was fighting a losing battle with me, he quietly resigned. Aside from all that, the hours dragged on silently.

It was nearly nine o'clock when I felt Jake shifting. I lifted my head from his chest and saw him swallow a few times, and his face contorting in pain from the effort. He very slowly began moving his head from side to side, he gently flexed and clenched his fingers around mine. Without taking my eye off him I tipped back in my chair and called for Billy and Sam. In an instant the entire pack filled his small room. Jake began to grunt and groan, and my eyes darted to Billy's who met mine with equal excitement. My breathing became quick and my fingers started to tingle with anticipation.

**Well?? What do you think?**


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9: Fresh start

His eyes fluttered open, he squeezed them shut a few times, adjusting to the light, before opening them fully. There were subdued gasps from all around the room, I saw Billy swallow back tears. Everyone leaned forward, straining their neck, in anticipation. He swept his eyes over his body, then to me, and back to Billy. When it was clear that he was completely conscious, Billy took Jacobs hand his own.

"Jake, how do you feel son?" He spoke slowly.

Jacob assessed each individual separately. They all took there silent moment with him, when it was through their bodies visibly loosened.

"Hey guys." He spoke softly to the pack.

Some mumbled '_heys'_ in response, others nodded condolences.

He took one last questioning look at me before he turned to Billy again.

"My he-, my he-….aahheem," he loudly cleared his throat, "my head hurts a little."

With Jacob, a _little_, meant a lot.

Instinctively, I scooted forward on my chair and ran my fingers up and down his forearm, trying to provide some comfort through my touch. It absolutely killed me to see Jake in such a state. It didn't help that I felt utterly useless; I had to sit idly by while my love, my _fiancé_, suffered enormous physical pain. The morphine would only last so long, burring off with is fiery temperature. And we could only give him so much; kidney failure was not something we needed to add to the list.

His lips pressed tight together and he gave me a very weak, very strained smile. The kind of smile you give a passer by on the street to keep from being rude. This smile, it confused me. My brow furrowed and I searched his eyes furiously to uncover what he was trying to tell me, what he didn't want the others to know. There was something he was trying to convey to me that I was not understanding. Not pain, physical or emotional, terror, stress, lust, or love. It looked like, like…distant, unfamiliar. I perched on the edge of my seat and leaned in closer, looking deeper. And then the spinning wheels in my head came to a violent halt. His gaze was empty, blank.

_Jacob didn't know who I was. _

The wind was quite literally knocked out of me as I struggled for air.

I could see my reflection in Jacob's dark eyes, they were void of emotion…only black mirrors. Not once have I ever met a gaze of this mans that wasn't full of absolute adoration. Although _I_ was the stranger to him in this situation, I couldn't help but feel an unfamiliar foreignness as well. There was no electricity in the air, no tingle in my finger tips as my hand laid on his arm, just two strangers in a room. All of this confirming the horrific realization, that Jacob Black undoubtedly did not know me. The tears welled so fast in my eyes, they spilled over before I had the chance to blink them back. He shifted uncomfortably, but politely waited for me regain my composure- smiling sympathetically, while his eyes tightened trying figure out why this woman was so distraught. I glanced at Leah, her eyes were glazed, compassion covering her face. My heart was hammering at an unsteady pace, and I had to press my palm to my chest.

I sucked in deep breaths and gave him an apologetic smile as I got to my feet. This wasn't the place for a meltdown. As much pain as I was in right now, this moment was about Jacob. All eyes in the room were now fixed on the floor, the tension was tangible. I wiped my cheeks and brushed my hair from my face. Jake never said a word and patiently allowed me my time, I saw his eyes flicker to where the pack stood and back to me.

"I'm, I'm so sorry about that. Well, I'm glad to see that you are feeling better," I tried to sound detached as I patted his arm, "I'll just let myself out."

As soon as I reached the door, I took one last glance at Jacob Black and his family that surrounded him, I nodded once and left the room.

I made it as far as the door of my truck before I lost the last shred of composure I had been clinging to. I punched and kicked and yanked on everything I could, hot angry tears wet my face, the boiling fury inside me bubbled up and I let out a scream. And then I screamed again. My side mirror shattered under my foot, I stomped on it with all my might. When the shards of glass weren't small enough, I picked up a rock and dropped to my knees smashing the remaining pieces into the dirt. The fury raged on inside me, I took the rock and slammed it through my windshield. The sound of its shattering calmed the fury ever so slightly, so I scooped another rock and threw it into my driver side window. The fury wavered again. I proceeded to demolish any existing glass on my truck, including the rearview mirror that I ripped form its holding.

When I was done, I stood before the remnants of my truck, heaving ragged breaths, and crumbled to the ground amongst all the glass. I sobbed until my body shook and the drool ran onto my pants.

_I just got him back, I just got him back, _scrolled through my head like a mantra, I brought my knees to my chest and rocked back and forth.

Jacob healed wonderfully, and returned to every single person in that room, except for me. And selfishly I hated every one of them for it. Was I that insignificant to his brain that he couldn't drag me up from somewhere, not even a fleeting memory? Everything was gone now. Years and years of happy memories, months and months of heartache and pain, totally erased. I would be just a big gaping whole in the fabric of his life, and empty place. Would he feel the emptiness at least? Heartbreak I could handle, but how do you recover from having never existed.

And then like a freight train it hit me, Edwards parting words… _It will be as it I never existed._ What a cruel, cruel twist. For a moment the crying stopped and I took in the magnitude of the irony. My worst fear was that Jake would imprint, that someday, I would have to release him into the arms of another woman who would never be worthy. But I knew from watching Leah's heartbreak and Sam's agony, that a part of him has and always will love her. That would be a blessing compared to what I am left with now. I remembered thinking about one day being able to fully erase all of the pain I had caused Jacob, I never dreamed that I would disappear along with it.

I heard the click of the front door, I lifted my head to see Sam standing on the porch with his hand shoved in his pockets. He looked nervous, he looked sad. His lips popped open to say something, then he gave and exasperated sigh and trained his eyes on the ground. He looked as defeated as I felt, with his shoulders slumped forward, head hung low.

"Bella," he shook head, his eyes still cast down, "I-I, don't know what to say. I'm so sorry. You know, a lot of times with head injuries, this sort of thing…amnesia, is just temporary." He peeked up at me, not even convinced with his own statement.

I blinked.

At my silence, he straightened himself out and stood tall.

"Just know, we are all here for you. You are apart of our family now. What Jake said to you…on those cliffs…well, it still counts. We will do whatever it takes to make this right again."

Without waiting for my response, he turned on his heel and went back into the house.

The words hardly registered. I barely even noticed he was speaking. It seemed like background noise to the screaming that was octaves higher in my head. I felt completely numb.

------------

I'm not sure how long I sat there. I'm not sure what day it is. I couldn't tell you what time I fell asleep, or how I made it home. But as I lay in my bed, and watch through the window the leaves dance in the quiet wind, I _know_ nothing will ever be the same. This hurt is the kind that causes physical pain. Wrenching and aching, I pinched the bridge of my nose, my head pounded. Even the molecules of air that circled around me felt thick and suffocating. The morning sun that poured into my room appeared dingy, almost brown. In the instant I became void from Jacobs life, everything changed. However, after the emotional spiral that I had suffered, and ultimately overcome, I was firm believer that everything in the life has its purpose. Everything happens for a reason. Experience had taught me that wallowing in self-pitty would do very little to improve my situation. This time will be different. I'm a fighter now, and there is something to be said for self-preservation. I will marry Jacob Black. I love him. He loves me too, only now _he_ doesn't know it.

At this realization I sat bone straight in my bed. I felt as thought someone had pushed rewind, putting us back at the starting gate. When I moved to Forks Jacob and I had a _past_, a childhood full of memories, something tying us together. It is almost a natural reaction to evoke feeling for someone with whom you have a _past._ We no longer have a past. Only a hollow and uncertain future. All his years of pinning for me, begging, waiting, pursuing, and my unwavering rejections (until recently), will all have been in vain. I felt foolish, I no longer had my soapbox to stand on top of. It was an even playing field now. The soft shimmer from my left hand caught my eye…maybe not so even.

First thing was first, I needed to shower and eat, regroup, then call Billy for an update of Jakes condition.

I didn't bother to let the water heat to a comfortable temperature before stepping in. With my new agenda I suddenly felt rushed, not a moment to spare. My bathroom routine took me much less time than usual, and I spent the next twenty minutes deciding what to wear. There were three options displayed on my bed, I paced in my towel reviewing the pros and cons of each. I had never put my thought or effort into my attire when I was around Jake. He had seen me at my worst, and once you go there with someone, from that point on anything is an improvement. My heart felt heavy in my chest, instantly tears came cascading down my face. The moments that I held most precious between him and I was gone now. Yes, I had seen better days with Jacob, but it was the days that were raw and full of honest emotion, the kind that rips you open and exposes you for who you really are-those were moments that I held most dear. So now, when our eyes meet, and mine are full of trust and love, he will wonder why.

My cell phone vibrated and snaked along my dresser, and I walked glumly over to answer it.

"Hello?"

"Hey Bells." I deep voice on the others ended sent my heart into hyper drive.

"Jake!" I squeaked.

"Um, no honey, it's me." Charlie answered quietly.

My heart plummeted with a thud to the floor taking my stomach along with it. I flung myself on the bed and balanced the phone between my ear and shoulder.

"Hey dad, how are you?" I asked, considerably less enthusiastic.

Then I remembered Charlie was unaware I had impulsively driven from Seattle to see Jake. Like a shot I flew out of bed and into the hallway, poking my head in his room, and then listening for movement downstairs. I didn't hear anything, so it was safe to assume he wasn't home. He would know soon enough I was here, but I didn't feel up for explaining it at the moment.

"Well, I'm ok, but I was actually calling to see how you were holding up?" He asked.

_Holding_ _up_? That was a strange choice of words. I racked my brain for something I may have told Charlie that would leave with the impression that I may be upset.

"I'm, uh, hangin' in there dad…?" The statement left my mouth sounding like a question.

"Good for you Bells. You just need to be strong baby, I know you will pull through this." He encouraged.

Now I was really nervous. But as I rummaged through our recent conversations I was still coming up short. I decided to continue to play along until he dangled some more bait.

"Ya, it's hard. But I'm doing my best. I'm sure I'll pull through."

"Well you certainly did your best on your truck!" He chuckled lightly.

"How did you know about my truck!" I asked flustered, sitting up straight.

"Well, I got a good look at it when I picked you up last night…got a good look at Jake too…poor kid."

"But how did you-where did-when did you??"

There was brief pause. There was shuffling on the other end, then I heard the phone return to his ear again. He spoke in a hushed tone.

"Bells…you sound confused…are you sure you're ok?" He asked concerned.

His confusion only told me how detached I must I have been. Clearly he had been the one to bring me here last night, and he was obviously aware of Jakes current condition. I was suddenly nervous for things I may have said or done in his presence.

"I just, well, I didn't tell you I was here, and so I don't, um… and then I can't remember very much of last night, actually I don't remember anything after destroying my truck…" I sheepishly confessed.

There was a longer pause this time and he pieced everything I said together.

"Oh, I see. Well, Billy called me as soon as you showed up, he told me it looked like the type of visit I may not be privy to, so he wanted me to know you were there and safe. When he told me he thought you and Jake were going to work things out, I figured I'd give you your privacy…" His tone became somber, " but when I got in that morning and heard your message to come get you, I called and Billy said all was well, and you guys all went cliff diving…"his voice trailing at the end.

"Oh." Was all I could say.

"Sam called me at the station, told me what happened…and about you." He quietly added.

Other than the quiet buzz of the static through the lines, we were silent.

My memory of the previous day came rushing back to me in tidal waves. I remembered the hike, and the smell of the dust we were all kicking up, the way my muscles ached but in a good way. The wistful screams of the others as they plunged to the water below. Jake on his knee…my answer, "Yes"...our embrace. I could feel our fingers intertwining as we scooted closer to the edge. I began to mindlessly twist my ring in circles around my finger as thought of these things. Then I remembered the red tint of the water surrounding Jake, and Billy's face as Sam barreled through the door holding Jake in his arms…

"Dad...listen, I've gotta go. I need to check on Jacob. I love you."

"Ok Bells, love you too."

I waited to hear his line disconnect before I shut my phone. I breathed until my nerves settled, and I then I dialed Billy's number my memory. The phone rang continuously, just as I was going to give up, an out of breath Billy answered.

"H-hello?" He asked panting.

"Billy! It's Bella is everything ok?!" I panicked.

What if he had gotten worse over night? What if he had slipped back into his coma?. What if they were trying to resuscitate him and I interrupted them!? My raced frantically through all the worst possibilities. Oh God no. He had to be ok, he needed to be ok, I needed him to be ok. I wasn't ready for this to be it.

Then drowning out my own thoughts, I could hear loud laughter and lots of talking.

"Yes, yes, everything's great. Jake is doing great, he actually got out of bed a little bit ago and is having breakfast with everyone." He sounded as though the weight of the world had been lifted from his shoulders.

I could empathize completely. Jake was going to be ok, I was ecstatic. My heart ballooned with joy, and I couldn't help but smile. The light pouring in through my window regained it's cheery color, the air around me felt light, and the birds even seemed to sing a sweeter I was brought forcefully back to reality when I realized he said they were all having breakfast, everyone except me.

"That's wonderful Billy, I'm so relieved…" I hesitated, "he didn't, um…well did happen to mention…"

Although I knew his answer, I waited nervously for his reply. I heard him let out a deep sigh.

"No Bella, I'm sorry. He hasn't said anything about you yet."

I covered the mouth piece of the phone, and silently sobbed. I had to allow the wave of emotion to fully wash over me before I could speak again.

"Ok, well, I guess I'll jus-…"

"Bella, you know what? Why don't you come down here and join us?" He interjected.

"Thanks Billy, that would be great. I'll see you soon."

I've known Jacob Black almost my entire life. Hundreds of hours have been spent locked up in his garage, dozens of days lounging around his house, even some nights spent. After all that, I for the first time, will be a _guest_ at the Black household.

**A/N: And now Bella begins her new quest to win Jacobs heart. For all of you who feel everything was too easy for her, this is for you! Hopefully you understand that I couldn't spend too much time on Jacobs recovery, because that's not what the story is about, I needed to move through it so the story could continue. Please Please Please review!!! Anyone who reads this and has and opinion, please share it with me! Thank you.**


	10. Chapter 10

**A/N: Hello everyone! Thank you all for your continued reviews, as always so flattering! However, I'm going through a bit of a personal crisis at the moment, and writing does not fit into my schedule right now. As soon as I get things squared away I will be back on here. Sorry for the inconvenience! Talk to you soon!**


	11. Chapter 11

A/N:

Guess who's baaaaaccccckkkkk!! Yay!! Okay let me just start by first saying that I read all of my reviews from the time I had to take my leave of absence until now and it was _very_ touching. And I mean that, I'm not just throwing niceties out here for the hell of it, I cannot believe how many of you were pulling for me…and you don't even know me! So, for your loyalty I will be returning to my stories VERY soon. It also needs to be said that I have been doing some reading of other Fanfics and I wasn't aware how short my chapters are…so I will make sure to get longer chapters out to you guys and I promise to take my writing more seriously. Again my sincerest thanks for being awesome you guys! Love you all! And look forward to some updates soon!!!!!!!!!


	12. Chapter 12

**A/N:**

**Okay here we go. I hope this is a little longer. I'm still getting back into the swing of things so I hope I didn't disappoint. Let me know!**

**Chapter….uh what chapter am I on?? haha**

Love is an incredible thing. Truly incredible. Although at times you can wrap yourself in its warmth and security, like your favorite blanket, it is not tangible. It has the ability to completely crush you and shatter reality as you know it, but it is not vindictive. And in your greatest moments of despair, when the effort to suck air into your lungs to continue to breath for the pursuit of life; is almost too much…it is there. It is always there…and it is why I am _here_.

The Black house was at full capacity with everyone from the pack (their respective imprints) and their families, other members of the reservation, and um, me. The atmosphere surrounding me was joyous and light. Laughter bounced off the pale walls trapping me in a celebration that I was not apart of. I pretended not to see the sympathetic nods of the entering guests and averted my eyes to the floor. Sue Clearwater had become a permanent fixture around Jakes arm holding him with a mother's affection, and I had to fight back the jealousy that was taking up residence inside me. Just then she leaned in and placed a small kiss to his cheek, immediately rubbing her thumb over lipstick residue. A sharp pain attacked my side and I had to take deep breaths in and out in order to maintain my composure. The last thing anyone here needed was to bear witness to another one of my melt downs. But this was almost too much, my heart was breaking and surrounded by all these people I have never felt so incredibly lonely. The only person on this God forsaken planet that could mend that was 20 feet away, with absolutely no idea who I was.

I'm not sure where I fit in here. Yesterday I was Jacob's fiancé and Billy's soon to be daughter-in-law, and damn happy about it I might add. Today…not so much.

My eyes were trained on Jakes back while he accepted words of reassurance and praise from friends and neighbors in the other room. I sat pensively on the edge of their tattered couch while nervously picking at my food. Eating was the farthest thing from my mind, I only took the plate of food Emily had practically thrown at me to be polite. The styrofoam squeaked from my lap as my nails dug into the edges.

"So, Bella," Quil turned to me, effectively breaking the silence in the living room where I sat with the other members of the pack, " Jake mentioned earlier that he really wanted to get outta here and have some fun and um.." he paused briefly to meet the eyes of the others, silently asking their permission to continue. I shifted my torso and watched everyone reactions as well, trying to figure out what had them so nervous. Quil turned to face me again and I nodded my head inviting him to go on.

"Yea well, he said he wanted to go to some new bar in Seattle that Paul mentioned. Anyway, we're all going and it'll be fun…drinking and dancing and whatever…but you should come." He spoke the last words quickly and then plastered a wide smile on his face. I'm sure it was meant to be reassuring but there was no way in hell I was putting myself in that situation.

I had everyone's attention while I mentally worked through what they were asking of me. How would and they explain my presence? What if he didn't enjoy my company? God, what if he meets someone else, and I'm forced to sit idly by and watch it unfold? But I wanted to be wherever he was, I didn't give a shit where that was. Before I could answer Billy cleared his throat loudly.

" Can everyone make their way into the dining area." He waved his hands over his head herding us from afar. I set my plate down and smoothed my clothes out allowing the others to file ahead of me. The sea of brown was blocking my view into the kitchen and I bobbed my head back and forth trying to find a gap between the smushed bodies. Paul, Embry and Seth began to talk amongst themselves while the last of the guests made their way in. I gave up on trying to find a chink in the wall and plopped back down on the couch.

"Uh," I heard Jakes nervous laughter break above the chatter. My heart rate spiked immediately, "I'm not real good at make grand speeches or anything," whoops and hollers of encouragement broke out from the crowd. I smiled down into my lap imagining his perfect smile in my head, knowing how embarrassed he probably was right now. Once the room was quiet and the laughter subsided he continued.

" I'm a lucky guy, going through what I did and now standing here in front of you,"  
Some soft affirmations could be heard from the group, " and I just wanted to thank all of you for sticking by my side. But I know that there are things that I don't remember but uh, unfortunately I didn't forget any of you ugly assholes," I assumed he was referring to the pack by the loud laughter coming specifically from them. I could help but giggle to myself. God bless him for keeping it light for everyone else.

"…but seriously, just everyone hang in there while I get through the fog." My eyes immediately blurred with tears at his statement. It was a wretched feeling to not be able to wrap my arms around his warm body and comfort him. To tell him I would "hang in there" _forever_ with him.

I felt useless and hollow. Jake was my purpose in life, my reason for everything, and now I felt lost. As if _I_ was the one in the fog. I wrapped the sleeves of my sweater around my fist and wiped my eyes in silence. While I was busy having my moment I caught only the end of his next statement.

"…so I assume if there isn't a wife somewhere out there that someone forgot to mention I think I'll be okay." You could literally hear the hum of the refrigerator and nothing blared loudly in the defining silence. I squeezed my eyes shut trying to ignore the heat of the eyes I felt on my back. I bounced my knee furiously up and down while I fought for control of my breathing. _He doesn't know he doesn't know he doesn't know…_ Scrolling through my head. Billy spoke up before preventing the situation from becoming to awkward.

"Well don't worry son you're safe there, I promise." Billy laughed and everyone began to quietly talk amongst themselves assuming the presentation was over. I opened my eyes to find Quil, Embry, Sam, Pail, and Seth facing me with sympathy etched into their expressions. My eyes darted to each of theirs making it very clear that we were not about to address what just happened. Paul pinched the bridge of nose.

"Bella, I really think you should come. If nothing else, for the fact that you want to be around when ever abso-fucking-lutely possible so you don't miss anything." His face was hard daring me to argue with him. And I knew what he meant, he wanted me there in case Jake had some epiphany or moment where it all came rushing back to him. However unlikely it was, deep down I wanted it too.

I nodded my head smiling, "Okay guys, let's do it." The tension visibly leaving their shoulders as they beamed back at me. It was really nice how they were all rooting for me, standing behind me, I guess this is how it feels to be a member of the pack.

"So what time?" I asked while pushing my hair behind my shoulders.

"Just meet us there at 7 and Ill text you directions later." Paul answered.

"Yea and feel free to bring a lady friend," Seth winked at me.

The others rolled their eyes and I just laughed, "Okay I'll see what I can do. " Breaking eye contact while I began to search for my purse. If I was really going to go through with this tonight I needed some time to myself first. I lifted my purse from beside the couch throwing it over my shoulder. I slapped my thighs lightly and gave the guys a small wave.

"So I guess I'll just see you all later then." They waved and I turned to make my way for the door. Remembering I hadn't said goodbye to Billy I swiftly turned on my heel and slammed hard in someone side. I smacked my hand to my forehead rubbing the spot where I had made contact with their shoulder.

"I'm sorry I didn't even see you th-.." I stopped short realizing the arm belonged to Jacob. His lips were pressed together giving me that damn polite smile again. His eyes were pensive almost fearful. It was obvious he recognized me, just not in the context I was hoping for.

"No, it's no problem. You're Charlie's daughter, uh, Isabelle??" He rubbed his hand across the back of his neck, peeking at me through his lashes.

"Um, yea, but it's Isa_bella_..." I swallowed thickly, "...please just call me Bella." I shifted my feet noticing that Quil and Embry for the first time standing behind Jake. They were staring as though they had witnessed a car accident, with wide eyes, hoping to catch a glimpse of the dead body.

"Okay, well Bella, thanks for coming today, it was nice to meet you." His words were rushed and his body already angled away from me in an attempt to leave. I panicked at his gesture; something about him turning away from me terrified me. I scrambled to say something, _anything_, to make him stay, to hear his voice, to watch his mouth move…

I reached out and grabbed his shoulder, "I'll see you tonight!" I nearly shouted at him.

I drew in a sharp breath at my sudden outburst and my free hand flew to my mouth. Jake flicked his eyes down to my hand that remained planted to his shoulder. I followed his eyes and quickly snapped it back and held with my other hand, punishing it. I squeaked at my ridiculous display. His eyes widened, eyebrows nearly grazing his hairline, an amused smirk dancing on his lips. Jake turned his body fully facing me; I took a tentative step back. His large form stood before me, intimidating me with his unexpected mood change.

"Well, I look forward to seeing you again… _Bella_," I watched his tongue come into view as he drew my name out almost breaking it into two syllables.

Wait, was he…_flirting_ with me.? I had to get out of here. My fiancé was making a pass at me, leaving me at a loss for words, great first impression. Wait, _first_ impression? Fuck it, this is too confusing. I bit down on my lip and nodded not meeting his eyes again as I turned to walk out the door. My hand grasped the cold brass of the door knob and yanked hard, it didn't budge. Grunting I pulled and again harder, causing my teeth to clack. My eyes watered from embarrassment and my limbs began to quiver as I tried desperately to free the wooden door from its hold_. This isn't happening_. His bronze arm snaked around my waist slowly and his large hand covered mine gripping the handle. I'd know that arm anywhere, and I reveled it the warmth he radiated. God I missed him. I froze at his contact and heard Jake chuckle while his hot breath could be felt along my neck.

"Don't worry…it's happens to the best of us." He whispered deeply. I hadn't realized exactly how close he was and jumped slightly when I felt his lips touch the shell of my ear. In one swift movement he had the door open before me leaving me without an opportunity to respond. Not that I was able to form a coherent sentence as it was. And just like that, I was cold again.

I was still shaking as I started my truck. A mile and half later I roughly drove off the road and threw it into park. I clenched the steering wheel, my elbows locked, pushing my body as far back into the seat as possible-desperately trying to breathe. Cars whizzed by me, some honked, the sounds barely registering and I held my own stare in the rearview mirror. The frenzied person looking back at me was almost unrecognizable.

I could have been _anyone_, I was _anyone_, he has no idea who I am and he was shamelessly flirting with me, _just anyone_. A pretty face in the crowd…a clumsy, shy, damsel in distress. And he came to my rescue. I felt sick. My head and my heart were warring with one another. I unlocked my elbows and let my head rest against the cool plastic of the steering wheel between my hands. The possessive part of me , the part that knew Jacob was mine, was insanely jealous and a little angry that he was putting himself out there so freely. The other part of me, that was aware he was still "fighting through the fog", tried to be indifferent about the situation and chalk it up to mere attraction. Yea that's it. We're both able bodied, attractive adults. _Harmless flirting, nothing wrong with that._ Whatever worked, I had to justify this somehow -or I'd never get through tonight, let along this ordeal in itself. I sat up and swallowed back the saliva that was pooling in my mouth, smoothed my hair back I put the truck in drive and headed for home.

The long shower helped. I cried and shaved my legs, and then cried some more while I washed my hair. The water turned cold and I no longer felt like crying. I stood now with the towel tucked firmly around me and stared into the daunting depths of my closet. A small puddle formed around my feet as the minutes ticked by. Jeans, shorts, dress, capris…jeans, shorts, dress, capris. I scanned from left to right inspired by nothing I was seeing. I hated giving a shit. Giving up I stomped to my bed and opened my phone. I needed help.

_Bar… maybe dancing, definitely to drinking, trying to impress….what do I wear? Oh..and ur coming :) Be there at 6:30… Bella_

Audrey was a girl I had met in school and had fallen completely in love with. She was perfect in every way, and I couldn't imagine my life without her friendship now. I loved how we connected without even trying, and she knew what was best for me even when I wasn't so sure. Audrey was also Native American, her tribe was somewhere in North Dakota, and was stunningly beautiful. The kind of beautiful that she woke up with at 5 am and I spent hours trying to create. The best part was that she could have cared less. And she was deep. With the whirlwind of events since I had come home, not to mention my mental state, I had yet to fill her in on anything. The last she knew I was coming home to confess my love to my childhood friend. I wished now that I had taken the time to do that, because her point of view was exactly what I needed. Everyone needed an Audrey in their life.

My phone buzzed in my hand, I smiled reading her response.

_Black dress, nude heels, hair down…See you then. Luv ya! Audz_

I hoped up off my bed feeling more confident having a sense of direction. My current state of vanity helped to keep my jumbled thoughts at bay. I meticulously applied my makeup and took extra care to lotion parts of my body that weren't going to be touched anyway. For some reason the slower I zipped up my strapless dress the better it seemed to fit. I'm going crazy.

I hopped in circles trying to force my foot into my stiff heel when I heard my phone buzz. With one final shove my foot slid into the shoe and I stood blowing the hair from my face.

_Bella. The bar is called The Boiler Room. Quils a dumb ass and can't figure out how to explain directions. So u better Google it. Hope ur still comin. Paul-_

_I'll be there. Pickin up a friend first._

About 45 minutes later I pulled up in front of Audrey's and honked. She came bouncing down her driveway looking perfect as usual. I waved and unlocked the door as she hoped in smiling. I loved her appreciation of her heritage, as I noticed her fingers adorned in turquoise.

"Mama!" She beamed and pulled me into a tight hug. I didn't mind her little pet name for me. I'm not even sure where it came from but it still didn't bother me. I felt comforted in her hug and held it a second longer than normal.

"Hi," I breathed pulling away. As soon as our eyes met I watched her squint at me as she cocked her head to the side her long hair fanning to the side. She knew something was off.

"Okay, tell me everything." Audrey shifted her body in the seat so her back was against the window. I took in a deep breath and pulled the car away from the curb. Once she understood everything she would be able to help me make it through tonight…and beyond.

* * *

**I promise next chapter tomorrow…I didn't want to make this too much of a cliffy so I apologize if you feel cheated. Any suggestions for the night at the bar?? Audrey… I thought Bella needed a solid girlfriend. Something I have recently learned as well….as always, let me know!!**


	13. Chapter 13

**A/n:**

**Everybody take a deep breath…Audrey is not a villain in disguise, she will not be causing any problems for our dear Jake and Bella. With that said..Rest easy and enjoy the ride as our two favorite people try to make it back to eachother….**

"Wow," Audrey breathed out, slowly shaking her head processing everything I had just explained to her. We had actually arrived at The Boiler Room about twenty minutes prior but remained in my parked truck to talk. She listened wordlessly as I recounted the events of the accident, his proposal, and now my current dilemma. It was surprisingly freeing to air all the dirty laundry, without censoring or editing for anyone's comfort level.

I mindlessly folded and unfolded the Google directions I had printed out before leaving. The crunching of the paper was the only sound to fill our cocoon while I waited patiently for her respond.

"Okay," Audrey squared her shoulders and I mirrored her hoping to be inspired, "Here's the way I see it, you are still Bella and he is still Jacob. It's just now he isn't aware that there is a Bella _and_ Jacob. And I'm assuming you aren't running to him and spilling your guts because of the rejection you'll most likely face if you do.." her chin tucked to her chest, checking to see if her observations were correct. They were, so I closed my eyes and nodded.

"And because you've decided to allow him to figure this out on his own," she continued, "you're not sure where the lines of right and wrong cross?" She neatly shugged her shoulders.

"I'm not sure if I should be offended or angry, or flattered that he's flirting with me…I mean he's engaged!" My voice reaching a higher octive.

"To _you_ Bella…" Audrey place her hand over mind while leaned closer to me, "he's engaged to _you_…and you're still Bella, and he's obviously still attracted to you. He apparently still finds your clumsiness endearing and from what you told me enjoys flustering you even now. Don't you see? Everything is as is should be. Things are just…" she looked to the roof searching for her words and tipping her head side to side, "a little out of order now." She brought her smiling face back down to face me. Pleased with herself.

It all made sense to me. And looking at things from this perspective, I knew that this situation could be a hell of a lot worse. Jake could want nothing to do with me, and then when he did come to and realize who I was; I probably wouldn't be running into his open arms-because at the end of the day, like Audrey said, I' m still me. All of little idiosyncrasies and that made us who were, Jake and Bella, hadn't changed or been forgotten at all. And that was my light at the end of the tunnel. It's like the old saying " Some things never change,"… thank God for that.

"So, who do I tell him I am then?" I asked her.

She laughed loudly. "Don't lie to the poor kid mama, just tell him the truth. Tell him that you guys have actually been friends for quite some time and that it's okay that he doesn't remember. At least he will know you have a history." She offered.

My cheeks pulled back and I beamed at her. It was perfect. I didn't feel so overwhelmed anymore.

"Alright, c'mon, I'm ready."

"Good." She smiled back at me and reached for her door. I stepped down and out of the truck adjusting the hem of dress and smoothing out the wrinkles. Audrey made her way around the bed and I looked up to see her eyeing me. I arched an eyebrow and grinned.

"You look really good mama," She called out over her shoulder already making her way for the entrance. I chuckled and caught up to her just as she was pulling the door open. We took a moment to survey the place. It was more crowded than I would have liked, and the music was not at conversation level. But it was nicer that I had expected...well as nice as a bar can be. The lighting was dim, for that I was grateful, and although the exterior of the building resembled a warehouse, the inside was brick and felt more like a brewery than an actual bar.

I spotted the guys almost instantly, standing casually around a table near the bar. Even though they were all bronze, they were all tall, and every single one of them was eliciting female attention, Jake stood out to me still. He hadn't lost his radiance; I could sense it from where I was standing in doorway. I silently watched him tilt his head back and nod as if someone had made an interesting point. His lips moving gracefully, revealing slivers of his white teeth, as the entire group erupted in laughter. Audrey stood patiently waiting at my side, I nudged her shoulder and jerked my head in their direction. Without hesitation she headed towards them. I followed closely and let her lead.

"Damn, they don't really blend in do they," She spoke over the music. The playful smirk on her face told me she was pleased. I started to answer her but stopped when I noticed Seth alert the others to our arrival, and Jake's eyes snapped up immediately to meet my own. Every single nerve ending in my body was a live wire as he shamelessly stared at me. It was taking all I had to not run around the table and jump into his arms. For my own sanity I had to look away. We were greeted with approving smiles as we approached the table.

"Hey guys," I waved.

"Hey Bella," they all responded in unison causing Audrey and I to laugh.

I could almost feel Jake's eyes trained on me as I introduced Audrey to the guys. I angled my body slightly more away from him to keep temptation at bay.

"Um, this is Audrey..."

"Hey Audrey," they responded in unison again to be funny.

I rolled my eyes at their antics. It was painfully obvious each and every one of them was drooling already. Well, except for Sam, but he was paying careful attention to Jacob.

"Hi," Audrey smiled brightly at them. Looking away from Sam's curious behavior I began the introductions.

"Okay, so, this is Quil and Embry," they coolly nodded in her direction, "that's Seth and Sam," I wasn't sure why I was introducing them in pairs, but it seemed easier. I had to turn slightly so I could continue around the table. Jake was already smiling when I met his eyes.

"And that's Jake, uh Jacob," I hoped my slip went unnoticed, unfortunately I saw his eyebrows pinch together and his eyes drop down for a moment. I chose to ignore it and moved on.

"And last but not least, Paul." Paul winked at her before taking a sip of his beer. Again I rolled my eyes.

"So that's everyone…" my voice trailed off awkwardly waiting for someone to break the silence.

I took inventory of how casual they were all dressed and suddenly felt a little overdone. Jacob wore a grey USC hooded sweatshirt and dark jeans, and the others pretty much followed suit.

"Damn Bella, you look ho-," Quil was roughly cut off by Embry's elbow, "Nice…you look nice." He amended while rubbing the back of his neck. Inwardly I groaned at how obvious they were making this whole thing. As I peeked over to Jake, he once again looked slightly confused. _Great_, he knows something's up.

"Audrey, are you native?" Paul's voice rose above the silence.

"Yeah I am." She smiled back warmly at him. I'm sure it impressed her that he noticed.

"Oh yea? Where's your rez?" He asked leaning slightly forward.

"In North Dakota, I'm just out here for school."

"You go to school with Bella here in Seattle?" His eyes flicked towards me once before resting back to her. I was pleasantly surprised at Paul for carrying on such an adult conversation. He hadn't even made a comment about her _tits_ or anything remotely suggestive.

"Where'd you go to high school Bella?" Jake asked abruptly, not giving Audrey a chance to answer. Every head at the table snapped in his direction.

"Uh, F-Forks High." I stammered praying the flame on my cheeks wasn't burning the way it felt. It was bizarre how anxious he was making me with his simple question. Everything that had transpired between us, and I felt like we were meeting for the first time… I guess we sort of were.

Jake chewed the inside of his cheek in silence. By now the others had resumed their conversation, but I continued to watch Jacob. He hadn't really acknowledged my answer, and now seemed to be completely lost in thought. _Come on Jake, remember_…_please remember. _I waited anxiously hoping against all hope that this was it, _this_ was the moment he remembered. He was fighting through the fog, I could tell. The small gap between his eyebrows mashed together in concentration. _Come on Jake, remember… _

I held my breath when I saw his cheek free from his teeth. My feet moved me forward of their own accord bumping my hip against the table. The beer sloshed around in his glass as the table shook, he noticed and lifted his head up once more. His dark eyes bore heavily into mine while my heart crashed loudly in my chest. Searching, he was still searching.

I bit down on my lip feeling the ambush of tears making their way forward. All sound gradually drowned out to nothing, my vision blurred and the surrounding patrons disappeared, leaving only him and me. Time slowed to a stand-still and I saw the recognition flash briefly in his eyes.

"Hey Jake that pool table's free man!" I jumped hearing Quil's thunderous voice fracture our fortress of silence. Jake whipped his head to Quil and nodded, taking his glass; he turned and walked in the opposite direction. Shaking my head clear of the haze, I spun around remembering Audrey, only to find her fully engaged in a private conversation with Paul. Her body language was flirtatious, touching his arm and mechanically licking her lips. Paul slightly crooked his head to the side as she spoke, showing she had his full attention. Audrey and Paul was not a connection I was expecting to see. But it made sense, he was a challenge, and Audrey loved a challenge.

I left them alone and went to the bar. I ordered water and sat down to drink it. Then the anger came. It consumed me so fast and with such force I had the urge to punch something. He was so close, I could see it. He sensed something about me, for that I was grateful, but would he make the effort to connect the dots? For the first time I could appreciate that we may be sitting across from eachother five years from now sharing another silent conversation, coming so close to the truth-but never getting beyond the fleeting moment. A small aching in my heart caused me to press the heel of my hand to my chest. We are definitely fighting an uphill battle.

I took a long gulp of my water, laughing quietly when I remembered it was _only_ water. I sighed; something a little stronger might be helpful right about now. It didn't go unnoticed to me that the underage members of the pack were drinking, including Jake. I wondered how they managed to swing that.

A body slid into the seat next me and judging by the plethora of empty seats along the bar, his choice of seating wasn't accidental. I was right.

"I haven't seen you here before, I'm Mike." The blonde boy leaned over more than necessary to speak to me and stretched his hand out. I looked down to his open hand and then back to him, my annoyed expression caused him to retract it. I wasn't trying to be rude, but I was hardly in the mood. He chuckled humorlessly beside me. Feeling guilty I started to offer him my name when I noticed the cause his laugher. Mike's blue eyes hand landed on the shiny diamond adorning my left hand.

I don't know how I had forgotten about it. How would I explain it to Jake if he had seen it? What a predicament I was in…worrying how I was to tell my fiancé about the ring on my finger. I grunted and stood from the barstool to walk back to my friends. Tugging at the ring, I wasn't paying attention until I felt to two hot hands grip my shoulders keeping me from crashing into the body it belonged to. _Not again .What the fuck was my deal!_ I squeezed my eyes shut willing this situation to go away, before bringing my head up. Jakes fingers still clamped firmly around my arms.

"Didn't you ever learn you should look both ways before crossing…?" He laughed down at me.

I couldn't help but smile back, it was good to see him act freely again.

"Didn't you ever learn that pedestrians have the right away?" I quipped and raised my eyebrow. Jake threw his head back and laughed letting go of my arms. My own laughter surprised me, and I relaxed despite myself.

"Okay, okay, you win," he raised his hands in front of him, feigning that he was scared. It was quiet again and I soon found myself entranced in his gaze once again. He bowed his head and tentatively ran a hand through his hair.

"So Bella, can I get you something to drink," he motioned toward my water, "I mean something with flavor, maybe even a little alcohol?"

"That would be nice thanks, but I don't know what time they close, and you don't turn twenty one for another…." I trailed off pursing my lips. Jake clicked his tongue and pulled his lip through his teeth, then smiled widely at me. I started laughing before he could come up with something smart.

"Alright Ms. Kill-Joy, why don't you use your smarts and find us a table and leave the drinks to me."

I giggled as he left me to head to for the bar. He wanted to find a table for us, _me and him_. I slid into the first one I found, not trusting my knees to hold me up any longer. Soon he sauntered back towards me two bottles of beer in hand. I shook my head in mock disapproval while he folded his long body into the chair across from me.

"Cheers..." He held the neck of his bottle towards mine; I clanked it with my own. We both took long pulls and set them down simultaneously.

I noticed Sam and Embry playing a game of pool while Quil looked on. Quil had his arms wrapped around a pool stick, trying to look casually cool.

"How long have I known you Bella?" I met his eyes instantly. His face was somber, there was no hint of humor on it. Did he know? I opened my mouth but nothing came. I tried again, blinking a few times before speaking.

"Um, well awhile actually…" Shrugging my shoulders and giving him a small smile.

"Ookaay. Well what's _awhile_?" His eyes were suddenly hard. It was obvious he didn't want any dancing around the topic. I took a deep breath. There was only so much I could tell him, but I wanted him to know it all. The truth, like Audrey said, just tell him the truth.

"Since we were kids. Charlie and your dad are close...obliviously," I added, feeling like an idiot, "so we've pretty much grown up together." I stopped not sure if I could go on, and took another sip of my beer. His silence told me he was expecting more but I didn't know where to go from there.

He sighed heavily and spoke quietly, "You were there when I woke up." He eyed me carefully, watching my reaction to his statement. My face remained stoic, I nodded once. He was leading me somewhere, I just didn't know where yet.

"And you were upset…" he looked away, "… _really_ upset." He swallowed hard and faced me again. Jake's eyes were softer now, pleading. My heart literally split in two. He was so lost, and looking to me for help. I knew he wanted to remember, it was apparent on his defeated face. I dropped my head a let the tears fall. I couldn't hold the strong façade any longer. He was breaking me down by wanting so much from me, and I don't think he was ready for what he thought he _needed_ to know. Without moving head I answered him.

"You're a friend Jake…" I whispered

"Then why are you wearing my mother's wedding ring?"

**A/N:**

**Okie dokie…Ive got to get to work on some chapters for Summer Fun..Ill return to this in a couple days… Oh and FYI, I need some more reviews..6 isn't cutting it! But those of you who did review..THANK YOU..it is the only reason writing these is so fun..**

**Questions, comments, suggestions…feel free..don't be shy **


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